apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
