Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
