In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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