Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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