And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
