I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
