Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
