Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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