Screwed.edu
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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