just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
