Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
