How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
