Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
