We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
