who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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