It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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