Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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