5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
