Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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