your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
