oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize