it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
