her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
