First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
