bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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