if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
