Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
