i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
