I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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