1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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