is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
