you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
