How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
