im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
