went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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