508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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