its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I understand Curling. That high.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
