Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm always down for nudity.
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