Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
