im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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