im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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