We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
