I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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