When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
