(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
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