u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
