I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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