my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
