Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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