I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
