Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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