And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
