My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
