Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
There's always time for handjobs
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
