You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
