how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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