I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
True strength comes from lack of pants
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
