we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
