How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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