My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
