the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I would fuck him just for his dog
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
