just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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