If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He shit in the fireplace
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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