I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
