My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
