i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
