My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
