dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
