i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
